Sometimes, life is a waiting room. We wait to hear back from people, we wait for results, we wait for news. Waiting is part of life. And sometimes, it’s very hard to do.
Lately, I’ve been practicing patience as I sit in the unknown space of waiting. This isn’t a new space for me. I feel like the liminal space has been a place I’ve come to know intimately.
A few weeks ago, I received my edits back on my new book. To me, it felt like it was taking longer than usual to receive them and I felt nervous and excited at the same time.
I was nervous about why it was taking so long and excited that I finally made it to the part of writing a book where an editor was looking it over.
As I held these two emotions, I noticed that once again opposite emotions can be true at the same time. This is the space of and also. One thing is true and also another can be as well.
My next book talks about this dynamic as I worked my way through grieving over the past few years. I noticed how hope was able to sprout where grief still lingered.
And it still occurs when I least expect it…
Last week, I was watching Kieren Culkin’s acceptance speech for his Emmy Award. I loved the show Succession and was happy to see him win. His speech was heartfelt and at the end, he turned to his wife and said “I want more [kids].” I felt my stomach drop and became choked up.
Grief popped her head back into my life for a moment and reminded me that Nate would never be able to say that to me. “Yes, that’s true and also I feel happy to have watched that sweet speech. It’s okay” I gently reminded myself. This response was more generous and loving than the responses I would have had two years ago. Yes, I grieve and I am okay.
There is a beautiful meditation by Sarah Blondin where she repeats: “You are alright. You are okay” I listened to it often during the difficult period of grief. It was a much needed reminder on the hardest days. It’s also something I say to myself now when the sad emotions threaten to flood in.
In the waiting room, I found tools to help and words to write.
Which brings me to my next book…